


Anamchara

by Gh057



Category: AU - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders - Fandom, Wolfstar - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, MWPP, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Mythology - Freeform, Slash, Slice of Life, Soulmates, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 23:19:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14725518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gh057/pseuds/Gh057
Summary: Remus Lupin had been home schooled his whole life after a tragic accident left him scarred and dangerous.  Now, however, he’s enrolled into the boarding school, Hogwarts, where adventure and love awaits.  Wolfstar.  Eventual slash.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer: **I do not own nor do I claim to own anything in the Harry Potter universe.  
> **  
>  **A/N:**** Hey everyone! I’ve been slightly (incredibly) obsessed with Wolfstar ever since I first read the series as a little kid. This is my first ever attempt at anything Marauders or HP because I sincerely don’t think I can do them justice. Please let me know what you think, constructive criticism welcome (key word: constructive). 
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> ****Setting:** Modern AU with some fantasy thrown in. No “magic” in the witch/wizard/Harry-Potter-sense. Focuses heavily on mythology of all origins.**  
>  **
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> ****Summary:** Remus Lupin had been homeschooled his whole life after a tragic accident left him scarred and dangerous. Now, however, he’s enrolled into the boarding school, Hogwarts, where adventure and love awaits. Wolfstar. Eventual slash.**  
>  **

.+*+.

 

It would have been a fantastic summer night.  The sky was bright from the waning gibbous moon, the stars winked between each other, dancing through the cloudless air.  Multitude of lights flitted between a hand full of roller coasters, a tilt-a-whirl, a Ferris Wheel, and several other rides that made Remus Lupin slightly nervous.  His nose was bombarded by the sickly odor of deep fried sweets and grease.  His ears pounded with the symphony of carnival sounds, terrified screams of joy, dinging bells and whistles.  He grimaced and lowered his head into his palms, trying to block out the assault on his senses.

“Remus?” a small body plopped onto the wooden bench beside him.  He ignored her, even as she gently rubbed the small of his back.  “C’mon son.  Try to have a good time.”  Hope Lupin was a good mother, sweet and stern at the same time.  She didn’t sugar coat her son’s illness like her husband did, tiptoeing around the subject as if that’d make it go away.  Lyall Lupin stood nearby with a frown, munching on a tuft of pink cotton candy.  His hair was a tawny brown, like Remus’ but streaked with silver.  He too, was tall and gangly and had magical emerald eyes.  And that’s about where their similarities ended.  The accident had turned Lyall cold; he blamed himself and in turn took out that anguish on his family.  Typically, a shy man, he had a temper that could flare at the drop of a hat.  His wife was able to reign in his attitude with a glance, usually.

Remus was intelligent and had his mother’s twisted sense of humor but since his accident, he kept to himself.  “I don’t understand why we had to move here,” he grumbled like the teenager he was.

“This is a good city, love.  And your father’s job promoted him and moved us here.  You’ll finally be able to go to a real school, aren’t you excited?”

“Not the words I would use,” he sighed.

“Headmaster Dumbledore knows of your…. condition.  This school can change your life, Remus,” Lyall said, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

“Sure.  If I don’t eat anyone there.”

“Hush,” Hope snapped at both before they caused an argument and in turn, a scene.  “This is our last hurrah as a family this summer before we ship you off to school and you become too cool for your parents.”

Despite his determination to be in a foul mood, Remus smiled into his hands.

“Go try to have a good time.  I’m taking your father through the tunnel of love, perhaps to give you a sibling.”  Hope wiggled her eyebrows and Remus blanched.

“Yuck.  Please leave.”  He waved them away.  He watched his parents retreating, giggling like they were young lovers again.  It was rare to see them so carefree, especially on the night after a full moon.  Remus rubbed his temples and stood slowly, fighting off the nausea that plagued him with every movement.

A loud voice erupted in his ear, “Oi’ Evans!  Come on!  We need a fourth, we’re an odd number.”  A boy, appearing to be around the same age as Remus, waved erratically at a beautiful red head across the asphalt path.  He shot her a crooked smirk and pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his nose.

The girl shot him a murderous look.  “In your dreams, Potter.  Besides, I’m here with Severus,” she gestured to the person beside her.  He had a long, greasy black hair and hook nose.

“We’re way more fun than Snivellus!”

“Please Lily, I’m stuck with these two morons.”  This time it was a short, pudgy boy pleading.  He was rather rodent-ish, with dirty blonde hair and ears too big for his head.

The girl rolled her eyes, grabbed the arm of her friend and stomped away.

“You’re incredibly smooth there, Prongs,” the third boy finally spoke and Remus’ breath hitched in his throat.  The world slowed around him.  He had pale, flawless skin and ebony hair that shimmered like raven’s wings.  His laugh was addictive, a bark and a smirk that sent Remus’ heart straight into his throat.  Feeling eyes on him, he turned to the tawny haired boy eavesdropping on them and sent him a deadly smile.  “Hey there, Scars.”

Remus decided he could die right there, his face heating up.  He subconsciously lifted his fingers to the bridge of his nose where a white, faded scar rested.  The trio looked at him inquisitively.  Remus searched around for his voice, having lost it somewhere between the stormy eyes of the boy and his cupid doll lips.  “Hi,” he finally said lamely.

The first boy took the initiative to step forward, hand extended.  He wore a rugby jersey and tight khaki pants.  His hair flared at every angle, like an untamed monster.  “I’m James Potter.  These are my mates, Sirius and Peter.”

Remus looked down, staring intently at his feet.  “Remus,” he murmured, aware that his hand was also covered in scars of various size.  “Remus Lupin.”

“That’s an interesting name.”

“Says the dude named fucking Sirius,” James smirked at his friend and dropped Remus’ hand.  “Ignore him.  His father is some sort of Astronomer, obsessed with constellations and shit.  He comes from old money, so he lacks basic human decency.”

Sirius laughed again and aimed a combat boot at the shins of James, which was easily dodged.  This time he extended his hand out to the tawny haired boy.  “Care to be our fourth for the night?  We’ve not seen you around here before, you new to the area?”

“Yeah.  My parents and I just moved here last week.”  He shook Sirius’ hand, acutely aware of how rough and warm his grasp was.  When he dropped their handshake, he rubbed the back of his head nervously, his pupils slightly blown out and his heart still residing somewhere in his throat.  “I was homeschooled up until now.  They’re gonna send me to Hogwarts—the boarding school a few hours away? —are you lot in public school?  I’m not quite sure what to expect.  I mean, you lot are the first group of people my age that I’ve ever talked to.  Oh, fuck me, that is not something I should have shared out loud.”  His cheeks flared crimson.

Sirius laughed and punched him in the shoulder, sending a shockwave of post-moon pain down his arm.  He held back his flinch, biting onto his tongue.  “I like you, Scars.”

This time the pudgy boy—Peter—spoke, “We actually go to Hogwarts too.  Most of the kids around these parts do, lots of money to throw at expensive private educations.”

“Come on, I want to ride every coaster at least twice before the park closes,” James said, tugging on the flap of Sirius’ leather jacket.  Remus pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to his parents.

 

Remus: Met some people.  Group of Hogwarts boys.  I’ll catch up with you.

Mum<3: Have fun!  We love you!

Parental Unit: Be careful Remus.

Mum<3: Shut up Lyall.  Let him be a kid for once.

Parental Unit: Why are you texting me?  We are right beside each other.

Mum<3: I want Remus to feel included.

Remus: Omg I’m turning my phone off now.

 

He shoved the device into his pocket and jogged to catch up to the trio.  “—this year my gorgeous motorbike—”

“For fucks sake, Padfoot.  Shut up about your stupid bike.”  James shoved him, causing Sirius to stumble gracefully over his feet.  Instinctively, Remus reached out and steadied him.

“Thanks Scars,” Sirius flashed him a crooked smile.

“You have a bike?” Remus asked, feeling his stomach do a flip.

Peter sighed, “Please don’t encourage him.”

It was too late, Sirius beamed with pride as he prattled on about his motorcycle, burning up the time they stood in line.  Remus hung on to every word.  “I’ll be sixteen this November, so I can actually drive her legally.”  He finished as they climbed into the rollercoaster.

As the night wore on, Remus began to feel as if he’d known these boys his entire life.  It became easy to talk to them, to joke and laugh.  His jaw hurt from smiling so much.

The group hovered around a steel table, stuffing nachos down their throats.  James paced, throwing chips into the air and catching them flawlessly in his mouth.  Peter perched precariously on the table, swinging his feet.  Sirius had turned a chair backwards and sat, resting his head on the cool metal spine.  Remus joined James in standing, only awkward and nervous.  “So.  You gonna tell us about your scars?” Sirius asked bluntly.

“For fucks sake, Padfoot.  Can you fit your foot any farther up your--" James started.

“It’s alright.  I knew you’d ask eventually,” Lupin said, keeping his voice steady, “but I’d rather not go into details.  I was involved in an accident when I was young.”

“Fair enough,” Sirius replied, nodding appreciatively.  “Girls like a man with scars anyway.  Makes you seem tough and mysterious.”

Remus stared at him for a moment and then burst out laughing.  “Yeah, sure.  Minus the fact that I’m sickly.  I’m much more likely to get my pocket money stolen than get a date.”

“Hey mate, you’re one of us now.  No one is gonna mess with you,” James said through a mouthful of cheese.

“Our fourth dorm-mate from last year moved to New Zealand,” Peter said.  “I bet you’ll be bunking with us as his replacement.  Old McGonagall would assign you there if you asked before term starts. Just call up to the school.”

Remus smiled a genuine smile.  “I’d like that. I’ll call first thing tomorrow.”

The three boys exchanged their numbers with Lupin.

A younger boy approached their table, his hair wasn’t as long or shaggy as Sirius' but he had the same eyes and in a few years his jaw would be sculpted much the same as his.  “Hey Siri, we need to get home before mom has a cow.”

Sirius stood and stretched, popping his shoulders and spine.  “Alright Reg, I’m coming.  This is Remus by the way,” Lupin weakly raised his hand, careful to not let the sleeve fall and expose even more of his scars.  “Remus, this is my younger brother, Regulus.”

Regulus eyed him suspiciously.

“Brightest star in the Leo constellation,” Remus offered.  “It also means Prince, or Little King in Latin, depending on the translation you read.”

“Your new mate is a nerd.  Maybe he'll actually knock some sense into you three.” Regulus said before turning on his heel and marching toward the park exit.

Sirius smirked and shrugged.  “As if.  Night guys.”  He waved as he followed his brother.

Remus saw his parents nearby, murmuring to each other and sneaking not-so-subtle glances his way.  “I better go too before they embarrass me anymore than I’ve already done myself,” he gestured to the pair.  “Um, thanks guys for…  you know…  talking to me.”  He walked away before James or Peter could see the blush creeping up his neck and dusting his cheeks.

“They look like nice boys,” Hope said, draping her arm awkwardly around Remus' shoulders; he was a good head taller than his mother.

Remus could tell his father was biting his tongue as he started their car, the engine roaring to life.  “They won’t find out about me,” he tried to reassure Lyall.

The man sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.  “I hope you’re right, Remus.  Just… be safe.  Going to school is your mother's idea.  If I had my way, you’d stay home schooled.”

He felt the anger ticking into his blood stream and he grit his teeth, determined not to fight with his dad.  He pulled out his phone and texted his new friends, tuning his parents out completely.

New Group Message Started

Sirius, James, and Peter added.

Remus:  Wanted to say thanks again.

James: No worries mate.  Feels like we’ve known you forever.

Peter: I'm just glad I’m not the third wheel anymore.

Sirius: you’re definitely still the third wheel, Wormtail.

Sirius: I had fun tonight.  Meet back there tomorrow night?

Remus: Back at the amusement park?

Sirius: Duh, Scars.

Remus looked up from the glow of his phone.  “Hey…  is it cool if I come back tomorrow to hang out with them again?”

“No--"

“Of course you can,” Hope swatted her husband and gave him a warning glare.

Remus: Cool, I'll be there.

James: Sounds good.  G‘night.

Peter: Later

Sirius: Au revoir mes amis.

Later that night, Remus lay wide awake in his bed, flat on his back.  He watched the stars through his window and contemplated.  He ended up falling asleep to the distant sound of barking laughter and the memory of storm gray eyes.

The grass was wet with dew and the air thick with humidity.  Small, bare feet ran, toes squishing into the earth.  Lunar light lit the forest path, moon full and bright.  “Remus!” the voice was far away, deep and with a crisp Scottish lilt.  The laughter danced through the wind

“Can't catch me, daddy!” This was a boy's voice, trapped in the mist.  Giggles floated through the trees.

But then, everything turned heavy.  It was as if the forest froze.  Time stopped.  The little boy slowed, heart hammering.  The color drained from his face.  A bush rustled in front of him.  He took a tentative step forward, swallowing hard.  “Daddy?” he tried to whisper but the noise caught in his throat.

Burning yellow orbs stared through the branches, and the boy's breath hitched as he stumbled backwards, falling hard onto his bum.  A tremulous growl erupted and there was a blur and a flash of gray fur.  Fangs snapped.

Remus Lupin awoke with a start, drenched in a cold sweat.  He clutched his shoulder and side, where his scar was throbbing from the memory.  He trembled and sat up, dawn just beginning to creep through the sky.  He resigned to his fate, swinging his feet out of bed, knowing that sleep would evade him after that night terror.

He padded around the house until his parents got up a couple hours later and put him to work.  Chores helped pass the time and the hours melted away.  Early evening, Hope drove Remus back to the amusement park, stuffed a few bills in his hands, and waved him off.

Remus: I’m here.

Sirius: Sweet, just us for now.  Meet me at the Ferris Wheel.

For the first time Remus saw Sirius in the light.  He felt his heart start hammering all over again.  Sirius Black was tall, not quite as tall as Lupin—who towered over most at 6’2”.  His skin was pale and just as flawless as it had been at night.  Today he wore tight, black jeans with a chain attached to the side.  His t-shirt was well worn, almost threadbare, and a vintage Metallica logo scrawled across his chest.  He wore the same combat boots, polished black and steel-toed.  An intricate tattoo peaked out from his shoulder, a Celtic knot with looping and detailed vines.  Remus briefly wondered how he’d managed to snag a tattoo at his age.  “Hey Scars!” Sirius broke Lupin out of his trance.  “Prongs and Wormtail are about two hours out.  I couldn’t escape my family fast enough.”

Remus rubbed the back of his head, causing his tawny hair to spike.  “Why do you call them that?  And they call you Padfoot?”

He smirked, shaking his hair out and pulling it back into a loose bun.  A few strands fell around his face.  “It’s a long story.”  He shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Let’s go get in line.  Let’s try to get in the very front of the coaster.”

“Hell yeah!” Sirius threw his fist into the air.

Two coaster rides later and the sun was beginning to set.  Sirius' hair was barely contained in the tie any longer, black locks falling to his shoulders.  They met the other two boys at the entrance gates and the night was over in the blink of an eye.

The boys spent nearly every day at that park up until their term started, eating junk food, laughing, scaring themselves silly.  Remus had never experienced so much fun before, and he found himself latched onto his new friends like a lifeline.

 

.+*+.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own nor do I claim to own anything in the Harry Potter universe.  
>  **A/N:** Here’s the second chapter. Let me know what you think!
> 
> **Setting:** Modern AU with some fantasy thrown in. No “magic” in the witch/wizard/Harry-Potter-sense. Focuses heavily on mythology of all origins.  
>  **Summary:** Remus Lupin had been homeschooled his whole life after a tragic accident left him scarred and dangerous. Now, however, he’s enrolled into the boarding school, Hogwarts, where adventure and love awaits. Wolfstar. Eventual slash.

.+*+.

 

Remus: Pulling into the station now.

Peter: Sweet!  We got a compartment to ourselves.  Padfoot is coming to meet you.

Remus: k

Hope and Lyall Lupin were struggling seeing their only child off to school.  Lyall's eyes were slightly swollen and red from fighting back tears.  Hope didn’t fight the onslaught.  She clung to Remus, soaking the front of his shirt.  “C'mon guys,” he said, patting his mother's back.  “I’ve got to go.  The train isn't going to wait for me.”

“Hello Mr. And Mrs. Lupin,” Sirius greeted, reaching to shake Lyall's hand.

“Take care of our Remus, won't you dear?” Hope sniffled, pulling Sirius into a hug.

“You know I will.”

Hope continued, “I'm so happy he met you boys.  And that you’re all in the same house,” when Lupin applied for Hogwarts he had to take a long and intense questionnaire that would place him into one of four houses.  It was supposed to match you with similar personalities.  Remus had been relieved when he got his results—Gryffindor—because his new friends were all Lions as well.  It had solidified his dorm placement.

Sirius scratched the base of his head where his hair was once again pulled into a haphazard bun.  “We are pretty happy to have met him too,” he murmured.  A pink dust flashed across his cheeks.

A loud whistle rang out from the crimson steam engine.  “That’s our cue.  Love you guys, I’ll text.”  Remus and Sirius jogged into their car, Lupin hung out of the window and waved erratically at his parents until the train turned a corner and they vanished from sight.

He slumped back down into the cushion and popped a piece of rich chocolate into his mouth.

Peter grabbed the bag from Remus and munched with him.

“You going to try out for Rugby?” James asked.

“Eh…  I’m not a big sports guy.  I'm much more comfortable behind a book,” Remus answered.

“Oh good, you can join me in the stands,” Peter said through a mouthful of chocolate.

Remus didn’t mention that he wouldn’t try out for more than just a lack of interest.  His condition gave him inhuman strength that would clearly be noticed.

“Prongs is our Hooker.  I run Props.  Shame you aren’t interested.  You’d make a good Lock.”

“I literally didn’t understand any of that,” Remus laughed.

Sirius smirked and stuck his tongue out at him.  “You’ll figure it out.  Just cheer for Red and Gold, watch Wormy, do what he does.”

“I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

After a couple hours the train began to slow.  The four boys climbed into a horse-drawn carriage, carved with intricate detailing.  Four giant Clydesdales huffed around the bits in their mouths.  There wasn’t a driver; the horses must be extremely well trained.

“Firs’ years follow me!”  A voice boomed across the swarm of students.

“That’s Hagrid,” Sirius answered Remus' silent question.  “He’s brilliant.  He takes care of the grounds and any of the animals here, like these horses.”

“He's massive,” Lupin murmured.

“Yeah but he's a gentle giant.”

The carriages lurched forward, wheels singing on the cobblestone with hoof-studded bass.  Remus audibly gasped when the castle came into view.  It was unlike anything he’d seen except in fairy tales.  Hogwarts towered over a deep, black lake.  In the distance, forest surrounded it like a shield.  Windows were alight, causing an almost mystical feel.  There were more spires than he could count and he dizzyingly wondered if he’d ever manage to not get lost in her stone halls.

James expertly tied his red and gold tie about his neck, hopping on one foot as Peter scrounged on hands and knees for his left shoe.  Remus smoothed his shirt, changed his mind and tucked it into his waistband.  “You’ll do fine,” Sirius flashed him a crooked smile and elbowed the three out of the carriage.

Remus wondered if it was the aristocracy that floated around Sirius that made him look flawless, even with his hair half falling around his face and his tie draped over his shoulders, or if he was biased.

At the sight of a group of girls staring Padfoot down like a pride of lionesses eyeing a wild gazelle, Remus decided that it most definitely wasn’t just him.  Sirius ignored the stares, swinging an arm around James' shoulders and belting into an obnoxious out of key song about Gryffindor.  It sounded like a cheerleader fight song.

Remus did his best not to lose his breath at the immense great hall with four ridiculously long tables, decorated in each respective house's colors.  The feast laid out was mouthwatering.  Lupin swung a leg over the bench and sat, squished between Sirius and Peter.

The hall fell silent as their headmaster stood and addressed the room.  After his speech he gave the floor to Professor McGonagall, who read off first year’s names and the results of their questionnaire.

Some time later, James lead them up what felt like never-ending stairs to their common room.  Remus threw himself on a plush couch, groaning about how he'd eaten far too much.  Sirius fell on top of him, causing Lupin to grumble.  He was acutely aware of the other boy's body and he spent most of his concentration trying to tame his primal reaction.  “G'off or I’ll vomit on you.”

Sirius laughed but removed himself.  Remus couldn’t decide if he was disappointed or relieved but soon was too busy being introduced to the rest of Gryffindor tower to decide.  He properly met Lily Evans, who looked at James with fiery distaste but was quite friendly to Remus.  Marlene McKinnon.  Mary Something-or-other.  Frank Longbottom and his girlfriend, Alice.  Lupin's head spun by the end of it, already having forgotten most of everyone's names.

“Alright!”  Sirius jumped on top of a coffee table.  An expensive-looking bottle was in his hand, filled with a deep coffee colored liquid.  “Fifth years!  Gather ‘round!”

James frowned, gesturing to the glass.  “Where did you get that, Pads?”

Sirius smirked.  “I nicked it from my parents' liquor cabinet.  They won’t even know it’s gone.”  James rolled his eyes but didn't comment further.

“What's this about, Black?” asked Marlene.

“Well.  It's been a long summer.  Let’s reacquaint ourselves with a game of Never-Have-I-Ever.”  He began to explain how to play before Remus had a chance to ask, “We go around the room and you tell us something you’ve never done.  So, for example, Peter says he’s never been skydiving.  Anyone who _has_ been skydiving takes a drink; anyone who has _not_ abstains.  So, I’ve been skydiving, so I'd drink,” Sirius mimed lifting the bottle to his lips.

At some point Lily had vanished to her dorm and came back with disposable red cups and cans of cola.  “Alright Evans!” James cheered.  Lily huffed and walked passed him to hand everything to Remus.  Peter and Frank pushed two loveseats together and dragged plush lounge chairs into a semicircle that completed the loop around the table.  Sirius and James were mixing the drinks.

Remus took a tentative sip and flinched at the burn that hit his nose and traveled down his throat.  “That’s strong.”

“Duh, Scars.”  Sirius dropped beside Remus so that he was wedged between him and James.  “Since Remus is new, I volunteer you as tribute.”

“Uh.  Okay.”  Lupin frowned, searching his brain for something to admit to not doing.  “Never have I ever…been to a haunted house.”  He watched everyone raise their cups to their lips.

“Well I know what we're doing in October,” Sirius said and James nodded his assent.  Remus didn’t argue even though he had no desire to go to a haunted house—he was enough of a monster himself, thank you very much.  “Alright, never have I ever,” Sirius began, “Ate sushi.”

Everyone except Peter took a drink.  James stroked his chin thoughtfully before saying, “Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.”  Lily Evans flushed scarlet and sipped at her drink.  The color left James' face.

Peter cackled, shoving their bespectacled friend to the side so that he crashed into Sirius, who crashed into Remus.  “Never have I ever been arrested.”

Remus and Sirius both drank and met each other's eyes.  “Interesting, Scars.  You never cease to amaze.”  Lupin rolled his eyes and refused to comment.

The game continued on, going around the circle.  After a few circuits, Remus was feeling the light vertigo that indicated intoxication.  James had turned his turn into ‘Learn More About Evans' and he ended up admitting, “Never have I ever been kissed,” much to the surprise of their peers.  Remus couldn’t help but zone into Sirius, who sat stoically with the drink in his hand.

Heady on alcohol, the game drifted away as Frank tried prying into James.  “Seriously Potter.  Never?”

“Never.”

“But you’re the Rugby Team Captain.”

“And your point is?”

“Leave Prongs alone,” tutted Sirius.  “He’s just waiting for someone special, ‘ay Evans?”

“He can just keep waiting.  James you’re a right jerk.”  Lily slammed the rest of her beverage and stalked upstairs to her dorm, a wounded James watching her leave. 

Soon everyone had gone to bed except for the four friends, still chatting around the bottle of whiskey.  Peter's eyes kept drooping and his head fell forward, causing him to gasp and swing back up, blonde hair tangling with every sweep.  James stood and helped Peter to his feet.  “I'm gonna get Wormtail to bed and call it a night.”

“G'night guys,” Sirius said and Remus waved.

The two sat, looking into the fire content in the silence.  Eventually, Remus asked, “You gonna ever explain those nicknames to me?”

Sirius smirked.  “You ever gonna explain your scars?”

“Touché.”

“I’m just playing.  Sorry, Remus, I know it’s a sensitive topic.”  He lifted his arm and massaged the shoulder that housed the Celtic tattoo.  “Do you believe in the paranormal?  The weird and untamed world found in fantasy and sci-fi?”

Remus' breath hitched for a moment.  He focused on keeping his face blank and controlling his breathing.  _There's no way he's figured out I’m a werewolf.  Don’t be stupid,_ he chastised himself.  “I suppose I’m open to the idea,” he answered, trying to dodge the question.

“Yeah.  There's way more to our world than what meets the eye,” Sirius took a swig straight from the bottle, finally letting his hand fall from his shoulder.

Lupin wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol that gave him the courage to ask or if perhaps he'd just grown more comfortable around the other boy, “Can I see your tattoo?”

Sirius blinked for a moment and then shrugged.  In one quick motion he pulled his shirt over his head and turned so that the ink was exposed to Remus.

Once again, Remus found himself struggling to maintain his breathing.

The tattoo was beautiful and incredibly intricate.  The Celtic knot twisted into a design so profound that Remus was slightly choked up gazing at it.  The ink was dark and had no fade at all.  In the center the lines drew into a tribal shape, one that resembled a large, black dog.  Lupin touched the animal gently, completely captivated.  “The dog star,” he murmured, tracing the pattern with an index finger.  He felt the gooseflesh rise on Sirius and withdrew his hand, face burning hot.  “Oh!  Sirius!  I’m so sorry.  I just…  It's so pretty…  I…forgot…fuck.”  He lowered his head into his palms, feeling the heat radiating from his cheeks.

Surprisingly, Sirius laughed.  “Your fine, Scars.”  He tugged Remus' hands away from his face so he could look into his eyes.  Gray met green in a stunning crash.  “I just wasn't expecting you to touch.  I didn’t mind, I was just caught off guard.”

“I’m still sorry,” he murmured in reply struggling to maintain eye contact with his friend.

“I'm not,” Sirius replied with a wink that sent Remus' stomach into a loop.

“When’d ‘a get that done?  Where?  How were you able to?  You’re only fifteen now.”  Remus rambled, fighting to keep his amber-emerald eyes from wandering from Sirius' face, down his neck where Lupin could see his pulse thumping against his skin, past his Rugby-toned chest and abdomen, dusted with a trail of wild, black hair that was so _Sirius._   He took a deep breath and turned to stare back at the fire, shifting uncomfortably.

He wasn’t sure if Sirius sensed his discomfort or felt his own, but he tugged his shirt back on.  Remus visibly relaxed.  “My family—and Prongs'—have been around for a long time.”

“That literally answered zero of my questions.”

Sirius swatted at him, “Shut up, I’m not finished.  Anyway, in our culture--"

“What culture exactly?”

“Remus if you keep interrupting I’m not going to tell you a damn thing.”  The werewolf snapped his mouth shut and bit down on his lip.  “Thank you.  Well, tradition is when we turn thirteen, we’ve matured: become men.  I know, stupid shit.  But centuries ago you were expected to be on your own at a young age,” he shrugged and continued, “So the summer of your thirteenth year you get sent on a sort of…spiritual pilgrimage,” he waved his hand in a ‘clearly this makes sense' type of way.  “During that summer you attune with your soul, in the form of an animal.

“I discovered mine to be a big black dog—more specifically a Grim.  A massive shaggy beast thought to be the first sign of imminent death.  A creature that could manifest into shadows and stalk invisible in the night.  Naturally, fucking bad ass.

“And since James wouldn’t allow me to have such nice things he and Peter took to calling me ‘Padfoot' as a nickname like a house pet.  It was a fight to win Pads.  They nearly called me Snuffles for life.”  Remus laughed, enraptured by his story.  “James' a great, noble stag, hence ‘Prongs.’  And Peter’s a crafty, sly rat a là ‘Wormtail.’

“After our pilgrimage, we receive these tattoos—yes Prongs and Wormy have them too—to commemorate our advancement into adulthood.”  He finished with a flourish that caused his hair to fall into his eyes.  He laughed again, a warm musical sound.

“That’s where we got our nicknames, Scars.  I call you ‘Scars' because obviously,” he pushed the black fringe out of his eyes and traced the scar on Remus' face that ran across his nose in a pale gash.  The werewolf blushed at his touch, his turn for his hair to stand on end.  “You’re covered in them,” Sirius' voice had drifted into a soft, drunken whisper.  “Maybe this summer we could take you on that pilgrimage.  It's rare to let outsiders in but…you don’t feel like an outsider, Remus.”

Remus was going to kiss him if he didn’t stop.  _For fucks sake, Sirius, stop,_ he screamed in his head.  He wrenched himself backwards, toppling over onto a cushy red pillow and successfully breaking the moment.

Sirius sat back into the couch.  “I wonder what your spirit is…” he mumbled, shooting the werewolf a sideways glance.  “Maybe a ferret.”

Remus threw the pillow he'd fallen on at Sirius' head.  “Oi!  I’m no ferret you flea-bitten mutt!”

He barked out a laugh again, catching the projectile despite the alcohol in his blood.  “I'm kidding, Scars.  You’re definitely not a ferret.  You’re more like…a wolf,” he looked back over Remus then nodded affirmatively, “yes…  A wolf.  You’re intelligent and fiercely loyal.  You live for family, both that of blood, but more so of the family you surround yourself with.  Your pack.  You’re a strategist—unlike the rest of us, who'll charge into a situation head on—you calculate and evaluate each option and outcome.  You’re brave but not reckless.  Yes, I think you’d most definitely be a wolf.”

Remus wiped at his eyes, completely letting emotion overtake him.  “Holy fuck, Sirius…  You think so?” he asked breathily.

“Yeah, Scars.”  Before either of them understood what was happening, Sirius wrapped his arms around the other boy, pulling Remus into a tight hug.  “I feel like I’ve known you forever.  Like you’ve always been with me.  When I think of my past…. I still see you in the background like you were always there,” he whispered into the tawny hair of Lupin's head.  When he pulled away, his eyes had also filled with tears.  “Holy fuck.  I can't do much more emotion tonight,” he rubbed at his eyes, “let’s go to bed.”

Sirius stood and pulled Remus up and together they trotted up the stairs to their dorm, slightly unsteady on their feet.  Respectively, they both changed into lounge pants and Remus threw on a loose t-shirt, Sirius kept his chest bare.  They stood next to each other in front of the mirror, brushing their teeth and knocking into each other as the alcohol swam in their blood.

They both then collapsed into their own beds, exhausted.  Peter's snoring and James’ fan provided ambient noise.  “Goodnight, Pads,” whispered Remus to the bed beside his.

“’Night wolfie,” he murmured back sleepily.  “I’ll keep working on your nickname.”

For the first time in a long time, Remus' dreams were not haunted by vicious gangs and painful memories.  Instead, he slept floating on a river of liquid silver and warm, barking laughs.

 

.+*+.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** There’s the second chapter. I would really appreciate any reviews and comments!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own nor do I claim to own anything in the Harry Potter universe.  
>  **A/N:** Here’s the third chapter. Let me know what you think, it is a bit longer.
> 
> **Setting:** Modern AU with some fantasy thrown in. No “magic” in the witch/wizard/Harry-Potter-sense. Focuses heavily on mythology of all origins.  
>  **Summary:** Remus Lupin had been homeschooled his whole life after a tragic accident left him scarred and dangerous. Now, however, he’s enrolled into the boarding school, Hogwarts, where adventure and love awaits. Wolfstar. Eventual slash.

.+*+.

 

Morning came fast and hard.  Their dorm slowly came to life, much like zombies stumbling over each other.  All four of them nursed hang overs and so they kept their speech to a minimum as they shepherded each other down to breakfast.

Remus thought his head might explode as they entered the great hall.  Other students were laughing and discussing their first classes, immune to the aftereffects that plagued the fifth year Gryffindors.

The werewolf flopped onto the bench and covered his head with his arms, hissing uncomfortably.  “Honestly.  I thought you all could handle your alcohol better than this,” fussed Lily Evans, her hair pulled back into a French plait and her makeup set flawlessly.  No one responded to her besides Sirius, who threw a middle finger up in her direction.  She huffed, “Honestly.  You better get over it.  We have chemistry with Slytherin this morning and Professor Slughorn can be terribly strict.”

“You really want to marry that?” Sirius groaned to James.

“Yup,” he replied without hesitation.

“Fucking insane is what you are,” grumbled Peter.

“Ack.  You three need to grow the hell up.  I hope Remus knocks some sense into your brains.”

“Please, Lily…  Too much talking.  No more noise,” whined the werewolf, attempting to decide if his stomach would allow him the courtesy of breakfast.

Lily threw her hands into the air.  “You all are hopeless.  I’ll see you in the dungeons.”  She stormed out of the hall, grimacing just barely.  Remus was fairly sure he was the only one who saw her small misstep and wince of pain.  Even Miss Evans wasn’t completely immune.

His phone chirped loudly in his pocket.  “Lupin turn that thing off or I’ll break it,” James threatened.  Remus ignored him.

Mum<3: Enjoy your first day Remy!  Knock ‘em dead!

Parental Unit: She is joking.  Please don’t kill anyone.

Mum<3: LYALL

Remus: Thanks.  I’ll do my best to keep my need for blood in check.

Sirius laughed as he read over Remus' shoulder.  “Your family is a riot, Scars.”  With a small frown the werewolf pocketed the phone before his friend had any chance to continue to read.  Sirius lifted his hands in a sign of submission.  “Whoa, easy there.  I didn’t mean to cross any lines.”

Remus exhaled heavily and shook his head.  “No, you’re fine.  I’m just… on edge.”

“Why?” James chimed in, nursing a black cup of coffee.

“Just…Not used to all of this,” Lupin waved around the great hall.  “I’m not sure what to do.”

“Just go with it,” Peter offered, mouth full of egg.  Remus visibly blanched, averting his gaze from the blonde.  He decided that he wouldn’t be able to handle anything on his stomach and pushed back against the table, looking up at the great ceiling.  For the first time, he noticed that it was made up of electronic panels.  A bright, summer sun igniting the room, solar flares streaking across the azure sky.

“They’re supposed to mimic the weather outside,” Sirius explained, watching Lupin’s green eyes gazing in fascination.  “Dumbledore had them installed about three years before we started here.”

“Amazing,” Remus murmured, voice barely carrying to the other boy.

Silver eyes sparkled mischievously as Sirius bent his head over Remus' looking at him upside down.  Tendrils of onyx waves brushed against his scarred face.  Lupin could smell the crisp scent of spearmint and jasmine tea whisper against his flesh.  A weightlessness threatened to carry him away.  Until he felt the burning sting of ice sliding down his chest.

Remus let out a feral yelp, flailing long limbs, knocking Sirius away who fell to the floor cackling like a maniac.  “Fucking hell, Sirius!” Remus snarled, jumping up and shaking the ice free from his shirt.  “You're a fucking idiot!”

Sirius continued to laugh, joined by James.  Peter and the rest of their table watched on questioningly.  “Sorry, mate.  It looked like you were about to fall in love with the ceiling.  I was just trying to save you from heartbreak.”  He wiped his eyes, crystal tears sliding down his cheeks from amusement.

Despite the werewolf’s annoyance, he couldn't help but to smile.  “You’re infuriating, Black,” he said lightheartedly.  “I’m not helping you with calculus now.”

Sirius' face fell.  “What?  Are you serious?”

Remus smirked.  “No, you’re Sirius, I’m Remus.”  A collective groan erupted from everyone close enough to hear.

“I wish I had some pence every time I’d heard that joke,” Peter grumbled.  “I’d be as rich as Sirius.”

Remus lifted his shoulders in a nonchalant manner.  “Yeah well I have a few years of jokes on his expense to catch up on.”  Sirius scowled.  “But, anyway.  We should be getting to Chemistry.  I don't want to be late my first day.”

Wormtail finished shoveling the last of his breakfast down and chugging a glass of orange juice before jumping up and jogging to catch up with the trio, almost out of the dining hall.  “Wait up!”

The journey to the dungeons was cold, the further down into the castle they ventured the lower the temperature dropped.  The air tasted like stale dust and mildew.  Humidity somehow rose as they descended and Remus assumed the dungeons must have somehow been built into or against the lake.

Wet, cold air saturated their clothes.  “This is awful,” Remus grumbled.  With his heightened senses the smell was nearly toxic and he took small, gasping breaths.  Sound also echoed painfully off the stone walls.

James looked over at the werewolf with concern.  “You gonna be okay there, Rem?  You look kinda green around the gills.”

“Y-yeah,” he stammered, rubbing his forehead.  “Just wasn't prepared,” he gestured around himself as a way of describing the entity that was the dungeons of Hogwarts.

“You’ll get used to it,” James said, leading their group into a side room that was buzzing with activity.  Their classroom was large, with heavy stone-and-metal tables equipped with Bunsen burners.  Their professor was a portly stout man that reminded Remus a bit of Wormtail if several generations off.  He was standing at the front of the class room, scrawling in loopy print his name against the smart-board at the head.  Professor Horace Slughorn.

“Two to a table, please!” their teacher quipped without turning around.  “They will be your science partners the rest of the year!  Choose wisely or I’ll choose for you.”

“Wormtail is dreadful at chemistry, so I’ll sit with him to make sure he actually passes,” James said.

“And I’ll make sure you get through history,” Peter grumbled.

“Scars, will you do me the honor of being my partner?”  Sirius bowed obnoxiously low, his hair falling in front of his face.

Remus laughed.  “The honor is mine, dear Padfoot.”

The other boy straightened back up, pushing his hair out of his eyes, smirking mischievously at the werewolf.  Their group settled into the back-most-left tables, Peter and James in the front table, Remus and Sirius in the back, sitting as inconspicuously as four snickering teenagers could.  “Evans! You traitor!” crowed James, aghast.  He slammed his fists on the counter for dramatic effect.

“Potter will you shut up,” the redhead snapped back.  “Severus is ten times the man you are.”  She defensively grabbed Snape's arm and flipped her hair over her shoulder with a huff.  Severus turned visibly red at the contact, focusing on the table as if it could hide his blush.

“Ten times as greasy, maybe,” Sirius teased back, earning him a genuine frown from Remus.

“Maybe you guys should be nicer,” he chastised.  “Especially _you_ Prongs,” with his long legs he kicked the back of James' chair.  “Evans will never look at you twice if you keep being such a git.”

“ _Mo Anam Cara,”_ James said with a shrug.  “She'll come around.”

Before Remus had a chance to ask what he had just said, Professor Slughorn cleared his throat loudly and rounded on the class.  “Welcome, welcome!  Many of you have been in my classes before but those who have not,” he looked at the werewolf, “my name is Horace Slughorn.  Now if you’ll please put on your goggles,” he demonstrated, “and listen up.”

Chemistry was an hour-long lecture which preceded a three-hour lab.  Sirius and James were both incredibly gifted at science and they easily answered questions when called on, even though they appeared not to pay any attention.  Slughorn spent the first hour going over personal protective equipment and how important it was to follow the rules.  “Respect science!” he had a habit of saying frequently.

Their three-hour lab was simple enough, having to put together the Periodic Table of Elements by figuring out the patterns.  Severus and Lily were easily the first pair done and Slughorn made a big deal exclaiming how ingenious they were before dismissing the two to enjoy the rest of the lab free.

Sirius and James finished next and worked on helping Peter complete his.  The minutes ticked by with the trio getting increasingly frustrated.  “No Wormy!  Why the hell do you think Iron goes there?”

“Fucks sake Helium is a noble gas."

“Maybe if you two were better at explaining things I’d understand it!”

Remus watched the tempers of his friends rise with amusement, resting his chin in his palm and elbow on the desk.

“I don’t understand why you put that there!”

“How can you not get it?!  It’s a bloody pattern.”

Their octaves continued to rise.  Lupin caught their professor beginning to stand from his desk wearing a frown.  He smelled of annoyance and quickly Remus jumped over his desk before they all ended up in detention.  “Fucks sake, move Pads, Prongs,” he snapped, pushing the other boys away.  He pulled a chair close to Peter so that they could put their heads together and began whispering and pointing at the table.

“The hell, Remus?  This is brilliant!  You’re brilliant!  I get it!  You should be a professor.”  Peter was beaming as he handed his table to Slughorn.

Lupin shrugged sheepishly.  “It's not that hard.  Just how my mum explained it to me.”

“Well she’s a genius then.  Is she a teacher?”

Remus paled and shook his head, melancholy.  “No.  She worked as a travel agent for an insurance company when my parents met.  She was going back to school to be a nurse when I had my…accident.  She wanted to be a teaching nurse, to show people how to help people in the ICU.”  He took a shaky breath.  “Then when this happened,” gestured to his scars, “she didn’t have the time anymore.”  Guilt ate at his intestines and not for the first time, Remus wondered if it would have been better if he’d been killed that night.

James and Peter had continued on walking as Remus slowed as he spoke, the two boasting about how with Lupin they’d be unstoppable.  Sirius had lagged behind listening intently.  “Hey…” he whispered painfully as he placed a comforting hand on Remus' arm.  “Whatever happened, was not your fault.  And your mum clearly loves you more than life itself, which is more than I can say about my mother.  She wouldn’t want you beating yourself up.”

Remus forced a smile.  “Thanks,” he mumbled wetly, tears brimming around his emerald irises.  He fiercely wiped at his face and turned stoic.  “I'm not much feeling up to hanging out, I think I’ll go to the library.  Meet you at Calculus with Flitwick?”

“You don’t want any company?”

“No, thanks though.”  Remus turned and began his trek to the library as Sirius watched him retreat.  Once the boy was far enough away, Sirius began to follow.  At the library. Lupin found a secluded corner cushion to hide and slumped into it, holding his head.

Sirius spotted him almost immediately but kept his distance, slinking into a nearby aisle.  He slid down against the bookshelf and rested his head against the old, dusty tomes that reminded him of Remus.

The werewolf smelled Sirius Black and a conflicted emotion twisted in his gut.  Sirius was a scent that Remus was growing unnaturally fond of and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was crushing on the boy at a level he didn’t even think was possible or if it was because the full moon was approaching and the wolf wanted to devour anything that made Remus happy.  Sirius was faint spearmint and the crisp, windswept scent of grass.  He was gasoline and motor oil, stardust and earth.  So, Remus was honored, touched, and a bit elated when he knew Sirius had slipped into the library behind him.  But he was also angry, annoyed that he didn’t listen to his pleas to be alone.  What would Sirius do during the full moon when Remus begged him to stay away?  Would he spy on Professor Dumbledore and Nurse Pomfrey leading him to the secret path that lead to the abandoned, quarantined house?  Would he try to follow?

Remus felt nauseous.  The wolf inside him would _kill_ Sirius Black.  He had no doubt.  And even if he didn’t attack him, once Padfoot knew that he was a monster, he’d lose the only friends he’d ever made.

Tears leaked unwanted from his eyes and he choked back a sob.  _Please don’t,_ he implored silently unsure whether he was asking the wolf to leave Sirius alone or asking Sirius to stay away.  Both had the same desired outcome anyway.  His phone vibrated.

1 New Message from Sirius

Sirius: Are you okay, dear wolf?

Remus' heart fluttered at the affection.  He bit down on his tongue, strong enough to make it bleed and relish in the metallic taste.

Sirius: I know you’re not but…

Sirius: I wish you were.

Sirius: You can talk to me, Remus.

Remus: Everyone has secrets.

Sirius: We don’t need to have secrets between us.

At the table, Remus rolled his eyes.  “Right,” he muttered quiet enough that no one could hear him.

Remus: You first.

Sirius: Okay.  I’m gay.

Remus physically dropped his phone, effectively cracking his screen as he read those words.  The clatter made Sirius start from his sanctuary against the books.  “Fuck!” he heard Remus cuss.  “Okay.  It still works.  Fuck.”

Remus: Does anyone know?

Sirius: Not officially.  I think Evans had a suspicion.  Everyone will know eventually.

Remus: Why did you tell me?

Sirius: Should I not have?

Remus: I don’t know.  It’s a lot to process.

He heard Sirius' heart rate leap and he could feel the anxiety emanating from his bookshelf hiding place.

Remus: I mean.  It's not a bad thing.

The nervousness lessened.

Remus: I don’t know what to say.  I’m proud of you?  It was brave to admit?  Should I bake you a coming-out-of-the-closet cake?

Sirius: Arg.  Shut up Scars.

Sirius: Will this change anything between us?

Remus: No Pads.  I’m not a homophobe.

He almost typed out that he too was gay but decided that he’d had enough drama for one day.

Remus: You’re still my best friend.

Sirius: Aw wolfie J

Remus: Will you come out from the bookshelf now?

Sirius: Wtf how'd you know

“Come here, Pads.  I know the floor isn’t comfortable,” he called out and a sheepish figure emerged.  He ran his long, pale fingers through his black mane of hair and offered Remus a crooked smirk.

“How'd you know I was there?”

“You aren’t exactly a master spy,” which wasn't a complete lie but also wasn’t a complete truth.  It was an artful dodge of the question that seemed to satisfy Sirius and he plopped into the cushion across from Remus, kicking his combat booted feet up onto the other boy’s legs.  Remus rolled his eyes but didn’t make him move.  “I dropped my phone.”  He held out the piece of tech for Sirius to examine.

“I’ll order a new screen tonight.  It'll be an easy fix.  Aw!  Look at your background!”

Remus turned scarlet and tried to swipe his phone back, but Sirius held him down firmly with his legs.  The werewolf knew he could break the hold easily but a part of him enjoyed the pressure of Sirius' rugby toned calves pinning him.

His background was a picture from the amusement park, on the last night before term started.  The four were waiting in line for a GeForce intense coaster, joking and laughing.  Elated on friendship and _pack_ Remus had pulled them into a hug and threw his phone in front of them with his long arms.  James was on the far left, smiling his famous Potter smile as his hair stuck out in every direction.  Sirius was next to him, one arm thrown around James' shoulders and the other Remus'.  His tongue was poking out of his mouth and his gray eyes sparkled with mischief.  Remus had snapped the picture in the middle of a laugh and his scarred face was more relaxed that it ever was.  His tawny hair melted into his eyes, which were squeezed shut in joy.  Peter was beside Remus, two fingers in his mouth, pulling it wide and crossing his eyes in the goofiest way he could manage.

“I love this picture,” Sirius admitted and showed Remus his phone's lock screen.  It was the same photo.  “Stole it from your phone through its Bluetooth—I really need to teach you internet security—and made it my background.  Great minds think alike.”

Remus’ blush relaxed into a smile and he stuck his tongue out at Sirius.  “You are a complete sap.”

“Absolutely not.  I’m most definitely punk rock.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Pads.”

He tossed Remus' phone into its owner’s lap.  “Let’s get to calculus.”

Professor Flitwick was a small man with a high-pitched voice and what he lacked in physical size he made up for in intelligence.  Class was rigorous and by the end, even Remus, who was quite good at math, had a headache.  “Fuck that class,” he groaned, plopping into the bleachers beside Peter as their other two friends geared up for Rugby practice.  The afternoon was warm and sunny, Peter was already beginning to burn on the tips of his ears.

Sirius had managed to actually get all of his hair tied back, at least for the start of practice.  Remus focused on his ebony head as he progressively got muddier and bruised.  This was definitely James' element.  He flew across the field like a professional.  It was easy to understand why he was elected team captain only in his third year.  He understood the sport on some sort of cosmic level.  Sirius was proficient.  Not a rugby star but good enough to stay on the team and fiercely protective of his teammates.  A guard dog.

Practice concluded and Sirius jogged over to Remus and Peter, hair successfully slipping from its tie and dripping with sweat.  His lip was bloody but he was smiling brightly.  The werewolf was overwhelmed with the scent of _Sirius_ and the sight of his exertion that he physical _hurt._ He clutched at his chest and winced.  _Holy fuck.  What is this?_ He thought.  The wolf inside him growled possessively.  Fear flashed through his green eyes.  “I have to go to the hospital wing,” was the only explanation he offered before bolting off the stands and sprinting back to the castle, barely remembering to contain his inhuman speed.

He through open the doors and tumbled into the hospital wing, hyperventilating.  Madam Pomfrey, a pretty, young nurse started in surprise and ran over to him.  “Mr. Lupin!  What's going on?  What's happened?”  She knelt on the cold tile floor beside the werewolf, tentatively touching his shoulder.

“I…. I…. Think I’m going to…  That the wolf is going to...” his voice shook and he pulled his head into his knees.  “Sirius,” he breathed.

Pomfrey looked at him with concern and walked away briefly to page the headmaster.

Dumbledore was on the later side of middle age, with long white hair and a beard.  He dressed in flamboyant colors and had bright azure eyes that twinkled.  He always spoke calmly, soothing even the most distraught of his pupils.  “Remus, what’s the problem?”

The werewolf had a few minutes to calm down and gather his thoughts.  He struggled to explain everything that had happened but Dumbledore listened closely to his stammering rambles.  “I smelled him.  I smelled his _blood_.  And I thought I would murder him right there,” tears flowed freely down his cheeks, splashing into the tile.

Dumbledore considered him for a moment, face blank.  Pomfrey looked worried but unafraid.  “Curious,” the headmaster murmured.  “Remus?  Are you quite certain you wanted to kill _him?_ Sirius?”

He blinked, contemplating.  He remembered Sirius running up to them, grinning from ear to ear.  The smell that was quintessentially Sirius Black and then the coppery scent of blood and seeing the boy's split lip.  He remembered the panic that overtook him—the concern so visceral that his heart had ached.  And then the _fury_ because Padfoot was _hurt._   Padfoot was _bleeding._   The wolf's possessive growl.

Dumbledore smiled as realization clicked onto Remus' face.  “You’ll be fine, my boy.”  He helped Lupin to his feet and patted his back affectionately.  “I’ll see you at dinner, yes?”

He nodded blankly with wide, green eyes and left the hospital wing in a slight daze.  He began the climb to Gryffindor tower and crashed right into Sirius.  His hair was damp and his skin still pink from the hot shower.  “Remus!  I was coming to the hospital wing to see you.  Are you okay?”

In a moment of raw emotion, Remus forcefully pulled Sirius against his chest hugging him tightly and burying his nose into his hair.  He was wearing a plain, loose white shirt and plaid pajama pants that looked to be the first thing Sirius had grabbed after his shower.  “Whoa.  Easy there, Scars.  People'll get the wrong idea.  _I'll_ get the wrong idea.”

“Just shut up for a minute, Padfoot,” Remus breathed into his hair, encompassing himself in a shield of _Sirius._ He didn’t argue, instead he raised a hand and rubbed the werewolf's back in small circles.  “There was blood and…  I don’t know.”

Sirius laughed and pulled himself from Lupin's embrace.  “Blimey, Scars.  If this little split lip is gonna make you that sick you won’t be able to handle the whole season.”  He grinned, gray eyes sparkling.  For the first time, Remus noticed how intense they were.  Liquid silver flecked with crystal blue shards that was like an otherworldly storm.

He had to force himself to look away.  “I’ll be fine.  Just…  first time ever seeing another human's blood,” technically not a lie, “I wasn't properly prepared.  I am now.  Rugby is a violent sport.  I didn’t realize.”

Sirius laughed and shoved Remus away playfully.  “You’re a fucking idiot, Rem.  Let’s go to dinner, yeah?”

They walked side by side in silence.  Remus didn’t tell him that he knew now that the wolf inside of him was bloodthirsty, wanting revenge on whoever thought it a good idea to hurt _his_ Sirius.   _He isn't your Sirius you filthy mutt,_ he scowled at himself.  Still, the wolf snarled when he glanced sideways and saw his split lip, the blood dried and flesh slightly swollen.  At least now he knew to prepare for Rugby games: to calm his feral side.

At dinner, Peter and James bombarded Remus with questions.  He emphasized that his health was fine, that he wasn't planning on seeing blood and that it threw him off.  Late that night, Remus lay on his back, keen ears listening to the heavy breathing of his sleeping comrades.  He counted their inhales and exhales until dreams washed him away.

 

.+*+.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Please review! Thanks!~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own nor do I claim to own anything in the Harry Potter universe.  
>  **A/N:** Thanks for being patient, here’s chapter 4!

The rest of the week flew by in a blur.  Sirius' favorite class was Literature and Creative Writing with Professor McGonagall.  Peter enjoyed World History with Professor Binns.  James mainly lived for Rugby, but he sailed through classes, far cleverer than he let on.  And Remus just enjoyed _school_.  He loved learning and calculating.  Writing and practicing.  He took thorough notes in every class and was eager to help his peers understand the content.

Though typically soft spoken and shy, word traveled through the school of Remus' intelligence and his desire to help teach and soon most evenings he would get students, even from different houses, seeking him out.  Even Lily Evans, the smartest girl in their year, occasionally sat down with the werewolf and studied together.

He was elated, solving problems and inventing anagrams to help his peers remember their lessons.  But, as the full moon drew closer, he receded into himself just slightly.  Most wouldn’t notice.  But his three best friends did.  He would catch James seeking glances at him, concern written on his face.  Peter had approached him once to ask, only to be stopped by Sirius.  “Let him be.”  But it was truly Sirius who showed the most apprehension.  He would watch the wolf like a hawk, offering him beverages and shooing away first years that drowned him in questions.  It began to grate on his nerves.

“Sirius!  I'm not made of porcelain.  What the fuck are you doing?” he finally snapped the morning of the full moon, after Black had threatened the livelihood of a sixth-year girl who was trying to flirt with Remus.  He was glad that she had left after Sirius' threats but still said, “I can fight my own battles,” frowning at his friend.

Wide, gray eyes looked at him as if they belonged to a scolded dog.  “I just know you aren’t feeling well,” he mumbled, dejectedly.

Guilt flashed across Remus' nerves, but he shook the feeling away.  “I appreciate the concern.  But I'm fine.”  Sirius looked up at him, brows knitted in worry.  Lupin sighed.  “I'm going to see Pomfrey.  Make sure to take notes for me, yeah?  And get my assignments.”  He didn’t wait for a reply, knowing that Sirius would.  With a turn on his heel, he sulked to the hospital wing.

“Hello Mr. Lupin,” the nurse greeted him, offering a bed for him to lay on.  “Stay here as long as you need.  First moon away from home?”

Remus nodded.  “I’m scared.  Is that house Dumbledore's putting me in truly secure?  It's so close to Hogsmeade.  I can't hurt anyone.  I _can't._ ”  His emotions were threatening to take over, so he took a few slow, deep breaths.

“Have faith in Albus.  He's the greatest man I’ve ever known.”

Remus still wasn't convinced but his body ached, preparing to be literally torn apart and reassembled as soon as the moonlight came.  He turned onto his side and tried to sleep.

Madam Pomfrey woke him at dusk.  “Come, Remus.  The sun is beginning to set.”  She walked him through a few hidden pathways, out onto the grounds and into the forbidden forest to another secret tunnel.  They emerged into the abandoned house, his prison for the night.  “I’ll be here first light in the morning.  You’ll be okay, Mr. Lupin.”

“It's not me that I'm worried about.”

The nurse smiled at him sadly and walked away.

Dark sky slowly invaded the sun and it fell further and further.  Remus breathed.  This never got easier.  He closed his eyes and when he opened them, the moonlight struck.  He screamed.  His bones snapped and splintered through his skin, his organs twisting and collapsing.  Hair burst out of him like millions of needles.  His screaming turned into agonizing howls as his skull fractured and elongated.

The wolf lay on the floor in a heap, panting heavily.  The last wisps of pain slowly dissipating only to be replaced with anxiety and apprehension.  He was a great beast with glowing green eyes, lush tawny fur, and sharp teeth and talons, aching to do _something._   Run.  Attack.  Eat.  Mate.  _Escape._

This was the hardest part for Remus, worse even than the initial transformation, because he kept his mind while inside the wolf.  He watched through its eyes as the wolf paced and clawed at the walls, snapping at the shadows.  He saw everything happen and had absolutely no control in the matter.  The wolf was his cage, and Remus was a prisoner of the beast.

The wolf was becoming restless.  _Run.  Play.  Eat. Attack.  Mate.  Escape._ Its frustration evolved into anger and it ripped at itself, biting at fur and clawing great gashes into its flesh.  _Kill._

The night wore on and the wooden floors became soaked with ruby blood.  Tufts of fur littered about, some still hanging onto skin.  Eventually, due to exhaustion or pain, the wolf collapsed, and Remus waited for the sweet relief of morning.

“Oh!  My God!  _Remus!_ ”  That was a woman’s voice.  Shrill but oddly comforting.  “Albus, my God, he’s nearly killed himself.”

“Calm down Poppy, he will be fine, most of the blood was from the wolf.  When he changes back, the wounds often close on their own.  Especially bad ones stay open.  This one on his face will need stitches.”

Remus' eyes fluttered open painfully.  “Professor Dumbl--"

“Shhhh, Remus.  You’re okay.”  His vision was occupied by bright blue eyes, laced with care.  He smiled weakly and let unconsciousness take him.

A crash and a shout, “Let me see him!”

“Mr. Black if you do not calm down right now I will see you suspended!” Pomfrey's high voice commanded.  “Remus is not well.”

Remus could hear the tremor on Sirius' voice as he pleaded, “I know he’s not well.  I need to see him.  Please.”

Madam Pomfrey softened.  “Fine. —Wait Mr. Black!  I have some rules before you burst in there.  You be _quiet_ , if I can hear you the next bed over, you’re too loud and you’re leaving.  You upset Mr. Lupin _at all_ and I will make sure you never visit him while he's ill again.  Do you understand?”

“Yes, Nurse Pomfrey,” Sirius whined.  Apparently, that was enough for Poppy to let him in because Remus felt him struggle to not run to his bed.  He smelled salt on the air.  “ _Mo grá,_ ” breathed Sirius through tears.  “Fuck.  What in the hell happened?”  He fell into the chair beside Remus and reached over and wrapped his fingers around the wolf's hand.  “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.  _Tá brón orm.”_ Padfoot hiccupped and rested his head against the bed.

“Pads,” Remus croaked weakly, gently squeezing his fingers.  “Pads, I’m fine.”  Lupin let his eyes flutter open to look at his dearest friend.  Sirius was disheveled; his long, black hair that was usually so cared for was tangled in stringy, curly knots.  His eyes were bloodshot and sorrow wafted from him.  “Sirius…  Do you straighten your hair?”

Remus was relieved to hear that barking laugh, even laced with tears.  “Definitely not.  I’m way too punk to care.”

“Fucking liar,” the werewolf chuckled.

Sirius smiled crookedly at him.  “What happened?”

“It's a long story.  Please don’t ask right now.”

Conflict flicked into the silver gaze.  Sirius knitted his brows before nodding weakly.  “Okay, Rem.  So…  you’ve been out for like two days.  We’ve all been so _worried._ ”

“Bah, I’m fine,” Remus lifted himself upright slowly, wincing.  He hissed in pain and clutched his ribs.  “Fuck.”

“Careful!” Sirius chastised.  “So…  I have news.”

“Yeah, shoot.”

“I told Prongs and Wormtail that I’m gay.”

Remus looked at him surprised.  “Really?  Aw.  I wish I could have been there to see it.”

“It was uneventful.  Apparently, they weren’t surprised.”

“Really?  I was.”

Sirius shrugged.  “They've known me longer.”

At that point Poppy Pomfrey walked over and checked on Remus' stitches and the bandage wrapped around his ribs.  “How are you feeling Mr. Lupin?”

“I'm as good as I can feel.  Can I leave the hospital wing today?”  Remus looked at her hopefully.

She sighed and looked between Sirius and Remus.  “I suppose if you’re feeling up to it, I’ll allow it.”

Remus beamed, “Thank you!”  Genuine gratitude lifted his features.

“Check in with me every day.  I’ll clean your wounds and change your bandages.  I’ll be able to remove your stitches in a few days.”  Remus frowned and cautiously lifted his hand to his face.  The slash was long, reaching from his forehead down to the middle of his cheek.  “You’re lucky you didn’t lose your eye, Mr. Lupin.”

The werewolf took a shaky breath and steeled himself.  “Yes ma'am,” he sighed.

Sirius helped support his friend, draping his shoulder over his and bracing his back.  He took most of the burden off Remus as they walked back to Gryffindor tower.  “It's late.  Way past curfew.  But Pomfrey made sure Filch knew to leave us alone.”

Remus focused on moving his feet one in front of the other.  “I’ve been asleep for more than two days and I’m still exhausted.”

“Let’s get you into bed, then.  Sleep on a _real_ bed will do you wonders.”

What really did him wonders was the closeness of his pack.  Watching James and Sirius rough house and Peter joke obnoxiously made him feel overjoyed.

September faded fast after that, Remus got his health back and buried himself back into his studies and friends.

October brought the beginnings of autumn.  The forbidden forest began to morph into a rainbow of colors.  The lake turned cold and chemistry in the dungeons was even more uncomfortable than it had been.

One night, near the beginning of the month Sirius slammed a hardcover book on the table he was studying at and loudly announced, “We must plan for Halloween!”

The librarian, a sour woman named Pence, snapped at him to be quiet or get out.  Sirius wasn’t fazed as he looked at Remus eagerly.  The werewolf cocked an eyebrow, “Um…  Okay.”

Sirius' face fell.  “Okay?!  This is your first Halloween as a _Marauder_!  We have to do something amazing.”

“A Marauder?”

“Oh, dear God, Rem.  Do you not pay attention at all?”

Remus shrugged and was about to speak until the stomping heels of the librarian marched to their table.  “Would you continue your conversation _elsewhere_ , please?”  She hissed.  Madam Pence was a thin, waspy woman with a tight face and hair pulled agonizingly into a bun, pulling her skin all the more.

“Sorry Miss Pence.  I’ll get Sirius out of here.”  Remus shoved his books into his bag and dragged Sirius out of the room with a flourish.  “Don't get me banned from the library, Pads,” he grumbled, sitting cross-legged in the alcove of a window.  He touched the cool glass and watched the wind dance through the leaves.

“You’re a Marauder.  One of us,” Sirius continued as if the library had never happened.  He flopped down beside his friend and picked at a thread on his sleeve.  “Me, James, Peter, and _you._   We are the Marauders.  Mischief makers extraordinaire.  Every Halloween we set up a perfect prank.  This year is no different.  Except that you’re here!  And with you it’ll be ten times better than it has ever been!”

“I see,” Remus said, and swatted Sirius' hand away from the string he was playing with.  The werewolf expertly snatched the thread and snipped it free.  He dropped the remnants into his friend's palm.  “You’ll unravel the whole damn shirt if you pick at that.”

Sirius blew the thread away and looked back at Lupin.  “So?  Is that you acknowledging you’ll help?”

He sighed.  “Of course, I’ll help, Pads.  I’m a Marauder after all.”

“Fuck yeah!”  Sirius pumped his fist into the air.  “Let’s get to dinner, I'm starved.”

The next two weeks crept by, most of their nights spent in their dorm in a circle on the floor tossing ideas around the room.   By the fifteenth, they still didn’t have a solid plan for Halloween.  The sixteenth was the full moon and Remus was feeling particularly irritated that morning.  Peter was slurping his porridge, James was having another brawl with Lily, Sirius was making fun of James, and Remus had an essay due that wasn’t going to get done before his transformation.  His bones ached in preparation.

Otherwise, it was a lovely day.  The crisp autumn air was dry, and the sky was bright and welcoming.  Halloween decorations had begun to get set up all around the campus and even the teachers were feeling festive.  Professor Flitwick had taken to wearing obnoxiously large witch hats every lesson.  McGonagall assigned her fifth-year students to write a short horror story by the twenty-fifth.  She'd post their stories anonymously and have the sixth years read them and vote on their favorite.  First place would win a large satchel of Honeydukes candy.

Remus desperately wanted to be in as good of mood as his peers, but the moon was sapping what little energy he had.  He found himself pushing a grape around his plate, unable to bring himself to eat.

After one of Sirius' particularly offensive jeers about Severus, the werewolf had enough.  Without wishing any of his friends’ farewell, he stalked off to the hospital wing to wait out sunset.

The pen scratching at his homework annoyed him further so he threw his work into his book bag and flopped face first into the pillow, screaming silently.

Before sun fell, James and Peter burst into his room, chased by a rather red-faced Madame Pomfrey.  “Oi mate!” James said, smiling boldly at Remus despite the nurse's threats.  “Pete and I brought you your assignments.”  He pulled a few scraps of paper out of his bag and stuffed them into Remus', crumpling them beyond recognition.

Peter added, “We wanted to wish you goodnight.  We know you’ve not been feeling well.  Hope you’re better tomorrow!”

“Thanks guys,” Remus said and he truly felt gratitude.  He waited expectantly for Sirius to stroll through the door as if he owned the hospital wing, but the black-haired boy remained elusive.

James saw his disappointment and sighed, “Dunno where Pads is, mate.  Probably got himself locked in detention with Filch, yeah?”  Remus shrugged.  Potter hesitated and chewed on his lip, beginning to say something and then abruptly stopping.  “Well, uh, Wormy and I are gonna go eat dinner.  See you tomorrow.  Again, feel better.”

Remus bid them sweet dreams as Poppy Pomfrey escorted the two boys out, whisper-yelling at them the entire way.  When she returned, the werewolf was already standing, waiting to be lead to his moonlit cage.

Poppy tried to talk chipperly to Lupin as they made their way through the secret passage ways to the shrieking shack.  After several one word replies and grunts, she conceded, and they walked side by side in silence.  “Well.  Here we are,” she said as she hovered at the door.  “I’ll be here first thing in the morning.  Everything will be fine, Mr. Lupin.”  She squeezed his hands reassuringly and bowed her head.  “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” he replied as she left, hearing the heavy deadbolt snap into place behind her.

Remus looked around his prison sadly, tracing the deep gashes his claws had left in the furniture last moon.  He sat on the wooden floor with a huff and held his head, beginning the agonizing wait.

His ears twitched as he heard commotion from the bedroom and panic flared through his bloodstream.  There wasn’t long before the sun was gone.  “Get out!” he yelled, sprinting up the stairs.  “Get the fuck out!”  Desperation laced his voice and he threw himself into the room only to seeing a large, black dog shimmying out from beneath the bed, yawning loudly.

Remus blinked.  “Hey pup…  How'd you get in here?”  The dog waved its long, flowing tail back and forth, lolling its pink tongue out its mouth.  “You seem friendly.”  He curled his fingers into a fist and offered his hand to the beast.  It licked at his knuckles enthusiastically.  “Good boy,” he scratched the dogs ears and sat beside it on the ground.  It was a huge hound, able to see above Remus' head once he was on the floor.  It could stand up to his shoulders if it stood on two legs.  His hair was wiry and crazy looking but it was soft and the animal smelled clean.

“Someone is probably missing you tonight.  You shouldn’t run from home.  I’d take you back but we don’t have enough time.  You’ll have to stay here until sunrise.  I'm sorry, buddy.  I’m gonna scare the fuck outta you.”  In response the dog licked his cheek and barked happily.  It jumped up and proceeded to attack Remus in sloppy, wet kisses.  The werewolf laughed, ruffling the dog's fur.  “You're such a cute dog.  I wish I could take you home.”

The light was fading fast and Remus sighed.  “I’m sorry for what you’re about to see, pup.  I won’t hurt you, okay?  Well…  Just.  _I_ won't.  But if you attack me the wolf will.  So, no matter how scared you are, don’t, okay?”

The black dog cocked his head as Remus spoke as if listening and trying to understand.  Remus felt his bones begin to creak.  “Fuck.  Here it goes.  Be safe, pup-pup,” he wrapped his arms around the beast's neck, more for his own comfort than anything.  He let go as the screaming began.

The dog jumped, startled but didn’t flee.  It watched on as Remus' body exploded onto itself.  His bones snapping through flesh, shattering into new forms.  Remus locked his eyes on the dog, trying to take comfort in the companionship as his body destroyed itself.  With a shuddering howl of pain, Remus collapsed onto the floor as the wolf, panting and shaking.

As the wolf regained its senses, it turned his glowing eyes onto the dog.  Trapped in its head, Remus cried out, begging the wolf to be kind.  The dog was visibly shaken so much so that it was _crying_.  He didn’t think dogs could cry, but here was this black beast, watching the werewolf as salty tears left his eyes.

The dog lowered his ears and looked away, making himself small in a sign of respect.  The wolf sniffed him, pawing at the creature in confusion.

_Friend?_ Thought the wolf.

Yes.  I am your friend!  Remus was shocked, head reeling as the two animals communicated telepathically.  Though he could hear the words they said, he realized they lacked a voice.  It was more like reading a note back and forth.

The wolf barked and pushed the dog.  _Friend!  I get friend!  I never had friend._

The dog jumped back at the wolf, playfully.  Fun.  Play.

_Play.  First time play.  No hurt._

The two creatures spent the evening tumbling around the shack, chasing and pinning each other.  Remus had never known the wolf to feel such pure _joy_ that it made his human heart ache.  He wondered if Pomfrey would let him get a dog.

The hours sped by in a blur of fun and canine laughter.  Eventually, both animals collapsed beside each other on the couch, huffing and puffing.

_I love friend._

I love you.  Remus almost heard a hint of something but for the first time, the wolf was falling asleep, taking Lupin with it.  The two canines snuggled together in slumber, both breathing deeply.  For the first time, there was no fresh scars come morning and no fresh blood soaked into the floor.

“Mr. Lupin!” Madam Pomfrey shouted, waking Remus up from his spot on the couch.  The spot beside him was warm and he could smell the dog hiding under the bed.  The nurse ran over to him, running her hands along his skin.  “You’re not hurt!” she gaped, flabbergasted.  “How on Earth are you not _hurt_?!”

Remus debated telling her about his furry companion but decided against it.  He didn’t want to risk the mutt getting taken to the pound so he shrugged and grinned.  “Dunno.  Guess the wolf enjoyed himself.”

“Bloody hell,” she cursed, wrapping Remus into a robe and draping a blanket over his shoulders.  “This is fascinating.  Come, come.”

Remus followed her to the door, glancing up the stairs and seeing the eyes of the dog gazing back at him.  The boy grinned and waved sheepishly at him before turning to follow the nurse back to the hospital wing.

 

.+*+.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** Thanks for being patient waiting for my updates! Sometimes life gets in the way, ya know? Anyway… I thrive off your reviews, they make me want to write more. So please send them my way!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own nor do I claim to own anything in the Harry Potter universe.  
>  **A/N:** Oh, hi there. Uh. Merry Christmas? Cough.
> 
> **Setting:** Modern AU with some fantasy thrown in. No “magic” in the witch/wizard/Harry-Potter-sense. Focuses heavily on mythology of all origins.  
>  **Summary:** Remus Lupin had been homeschooled his whole life after a tragic accident left him scarred and dangerous. Now, however, he’s enrolled into the boarding school, Hogwarts, where adventure and love awaits. Wolfstar. Eventual slash.

Despite the fantastic night, the transformation still took a lot of energy out of Remus and he found his adrenaline left rather quickly by the time they reached his room.  He collapsed in a heap onto the hospital bed and let sleep carry him away.

He awoke a few hours later, his fingers laced within Sirius' who had fallen asleep in the chair beside his bed, holding his hand.  His heart fluttered and he gently traced Sirius' veins with his thumb, feeling the pulse flicker beneath his pad.  “Fuck Sirius,” he whispered longingly to himself.  “I wish I could tell you everything.  Everything, everything.”  Remus leaned back against the pillow, heart hammering against his ribcage.  The night had been so _wonderful_.  He desired nothing more than to confide to Padfoot everything, how that dog had given him hope that the moons wouldn’t always be like a recurring death.  His mood was so good he wanted to throw himself from the sheets and lock lips with that stupid, perfect face.

“Tell me what?” Sirius yawned before Lupin had the opportunity to attempt his fantasy.

“Er, uh…” the werewolf stalled.  “Um.  Nothing,” he decided on lamely.

Padfoot cocked a black eyebrow at him and smirked crookedly.  “Whatever you say, Moony.”

Remus felt his heart stop again.  “M-moony?”

“Yeah.  It suits you.  Wolves like the moon, right?  And the moon is amazing, like you.”

Remus blushed and let his brain turn off, relinquishing control to his heart.  He pulled his best friend to him with strength that Sirius wasn’t prepared for, he stumbled from his chair and onto the bed with an _oof_ , catching himself on either side of Remus' head.  Emerald and silver swirled together for one blissful moment before Lupin closed the gap between them, tugging Sirius down by lacing his long fingers through his black tresses.  He kissed Sirius deeply, passionately, enveloping himself in everything that made Padfoot, _Sirius._

He tasted as good as he smelled.  Spearmint and wild lightning, and the crisp air of a motorcycle ride.  Remus memorized Sirius' lips, each line and crack, every invisible scar and flush of cascading blood.  He kissed him until he thought he might die, fingers exploring Sirius’ hair, down to his neck and nape, running along his sinewy shoulder muscles.

When the pulled away, they were both out of breath, with wide eyes and blown out pupils.  Their mouths were swollen from the kiss and they still sparkled with the electricity that stayed behind.  For the first time since Remus had met Sirius, Black was speechless.  He traced his own lips with his fingers, remembering the werewolf's attention.  He stared at Lupin, slack jawed and stunned silent.

Remus smiled at him, blushing.  He knocked Sirius off him and stood.  “I like Moony.  You ready to get to practice?” he looked at the clock beside the bed and began to walk away, leading Padfoot out onto the grounds to his Rugby team.

Sirius followed him obediently, his fingers never leaving his lips as he moved in a haze, only broken when Prongs yelled at him, “Hey!  BLACK.  I didn’t think you’d make practice today!  Go get changed and get back here.”  He shoved Sirius to the locker room as Remus joined Peter on the stands, rooting around in his bag for a pen to do his homework.

As he practiced, he slowly left his daze, falling further into the game.  He still shot Remus curious glances but the magic of the moment had ended and left him aching and confused.

They didn’t speak of their kiss again that night.  Or that week.  Or that month.  It was as if it had never happened except in small looks filled with desire that neither of them wanted to admit to.

Remus was in a relatively good mood the rest of October, helping his friends plan their prank and completing his school work.  His mind often wandered to that black dog, hoping it was happy and taken care of.  When he wasn’t concerned of the canine, he was concerned about Sirius.  In a moment of passion, he had succumbed to weakness and let his desire override his logic.  But now he was in turmoil because he wanted to address it and more than anything, he wanted to kiss him again.  But he _couldn't._  Remus was a werewolf; a monster in every sense of the word.  Not only did he not deserve happiness, he wouldn’t risk hurting Sirius: mentally or physically.  That was assuming that Padfoot wouldn’t run for the hills once he found out about his lycanthropy.

Sirius never mentioned it either.  So they let the memory follow them around like a poltergeist, haunting them with memories of that moment.

Remus was tinkering in the dungeon on the night before Halloween, finishing up the last bit of his part of the prank when James found him.  “Hey!  Moony!  There you are.”

Lupin wiped his hands off on his khakis and straightened.  “What’s up, Prongs?”

“I know Sirius wasn’t going to tell you because he doesn’t want it to be a big deal but his birthday is November 3rd.  He’s turning _sixteen_.  That’s a big deal.”

Remus nodded, “Yeah.  I've been trying to figure out a present ever since summer.  When we first met and he was talking about his motorcycle.”

“Jeez, Moony.”

He shrugged.  “Never had friends before.  Want it to be special, ya know?”

James nodded as they walked back up to the grand hall to dinner.

Morning came fast, and all of Gryffindor tower was giddy with the holiday.  They had woken up to bowls of candy strewn through the common room, mechanical spiders skittering along the floors, and holograms of ghosts flitting between the walls.  The castle was even more grand outside of the house's dorms.  Spooky organ music floated through the halls, fake webs adorned nearly every corner and jack-o-lanterns in clustered together in small covens.

“Wait until you see Christmas at Hogwarts,” Sirius told him as they wandered toward breakfast, amused at the awe on Remus' slack-jawed face.

“Are you going home for Christmas?” Peter asked as they took the stairs two at a time.

“I hadn’t thought about it.  I didn’t know staying was an option.”  Remus shrugged, pretending to be nonchalant but zeroing in on Sirius' reply.

“I, for one, will be staying.  The less time I'm at Grimmauld Place, the better.  I’m sure Reg'll be leaving though.”

“My parents are taking us on holiday somewhere warm with a beach,” James said.

“I’m going home too.  Maybe Moony will stay here with you, Padfoot.  So you’re not alone.”

“I don’t mind being alone,” Sirius shrugged but Remus was already texting his parents.

Remus: Could I stay at Hogwarts for Christmas?

Mum<3: What?  Why?

Remus: Sirius is staying behind and I think it would be fun.

Mum<3: I don’t know Remy

Parental Unit: I think it would be a good experience.  I’m fine with it.

Mum<3: Lyall, could you come downstairs so we can talk.

Remus switched his screen off and slid the phone back into his pocket, knowing it would be a while before he got another response.

The great hall was more decorated than the rest of the castle.  The room was dimly lit to an eerie degree with splashes of black light and fog machines.  The ceiling had been switched off.  Jack-o-lanterns smirked at every table.  At their table, most of the staff had embraced the holiday, dressing up in some rather elaborate costumes.  Much to everyone's amusement, Dumbledore had dressed up as a _fairy_ causing several unabashed guffaws in his direction.  Their headmaster took it all in pride, beaming down at his students.  And to his credit, his costume was intricate.  The outfit itself was Victorian and looked as expensive as it was lovely.  His wings appeared hand stitched, lined with fiberoptic LEDs.  They moved with some kind of hidden mechanism, appearing so that they were a part of Albus.  His long, ivory hair was twisted into an updo that must've taken hours that morning to perfect.  He'd fallen straight out of a fantasy novel.

Professor McGonagall wore a simple cat costume with feline face paint.  Groundskeeper Hagrid was a treant, caked in bark and mud and vines.  Slughorn embodied _ego_ , dressed as a magician.  Professor Binns was wearing a rather accurate looking Red Coat uniform from the eighteen hundreds.  Flitwick was a garden gnome, taking his stature in strides.  There were several other costumed professors that cheerily ate breakfast.

It was apparent that they were beginning to become concerned that Slytherin table was fairly empty, only a handful of students grouped together.  From his plate, Remus could see Dumbledore stitch his brow together.  He threw James Potter a not-so-subtle glance as Prongs shoveled a spoon of oatmeal into his mouth.  Moony was too nervous to eat, he poked at a grapefruit feeling decidedly nauseous.  “You’re acting suspicious,” Sirius hissed at him, elbowing into his ribs.

“Sorry I’ve never risked expulsion before,” he snarled back.

“It would be hard for your mum to expel you from homeschool.”

“Ha-fucking-hah.”

“Will you both shut up?” James demanded.  Remus’ ears prickled with the far off sound of shrieks.  Stampeding steps echoed across the stone walls.  Dumbledore stood at the head of his table, scowling as a torrent of neon-colored adolescents thundered into the hall.  It was utter chaos, groups of girls sobbing in each other's vibrantly dyed arms.  Some students had splotches of color on their skin; others had not been so lucky and had turned completely different shades.

Students unaffected by the spectrum of dye watched in confusion.  Some tried to stifle laughter, other blatantly guffawed, and few tried to console those who'd been washed.

“Bloody brilliant, mate,” James whispered, elbowing Remus in the ribs.

The werewolf was doing his best to not feel guilty.  Sirius and Peter seemed to be enjoying this most of all, snapping pictures with their phones and sniggering loudly between themselves.  “Aw, of course Snivellius wasn’t hit,” Padfoot pointed out.  “Should have known the greasy git wouldn’t bathe.”

The next several minutes were spent with Professors trying to restore order back to the dining hall.  McGonagall stormed up to the marauders, her face red and strained.  “Office.  Now,” she hissed in a voice so furious that the four boys instantly did as they were told.  Remus dragged his feet as they walked to McGonagall's classroom.  The other three seemed carefree, laughing at their joke the entire trip.

It took another half hour before the headmaster and literature professor joined them.  All Remus could do was stare at the floor guiltily.

“Explain this instant,” McGonagall demanded.

“Explain what, Professor?”

“Mr. Black if you don’t drop this cocky nonchalant façade I’ll suspend you for the rest of term.  _At home_ suspension,” she threatened.

Sirius faltered, his gray eyes flashing with something akin to fear.  “Apologies,” he murmured, clutching his hands in his lap.

“Honestly, you lot.”  She ran her fingers against her temples.

“Minerva, give them a moment to gather their thoughts.”

James, ever the leader, spoke for them.  “It was rather brilliant, I think.  We found this strong skin dye—used for monster makeup—and rigged the plumbing to release the dye in the dungeons' pipes with an app on our phones.  The dye is nontoxic and it washes away after 48 hours.”

“How did this app work?”

“Well…  It took a few weeks to build but, uh,” James glanced cautiously at Remus, “I guess, simply, we were able to hack into Hogwarts' mainframe—you really shouldn’t have the entire school run on one system—and selectively pump the dye into the pipes in a reserve.  Then we could access the water flow, kind of like a rail yard controlling multiple railways, and…” he made an exploding gesture with his hands.  “We could trigger the reserves to unleash in the dungeons this morning as everyone bathed and brushed their teeth and such.”

Dumbledore stroked thoughtfully at his beard.  “I see…  That’s rather complex coding.”

James shrugged.

“Who exactly came up with this idea?”

Peter answered, “We all did.  We planned it together.”

“Yes, Mr. Pettigrew, I’m quite sure you did.  However, I’d like to know who wrote the program,” Dumbledore's blue eyes zoned in on Remus and the werewolf squirmed uncomfortably.

“I did,” Sirius answered confidently before Lupin had a moment to speak.

The headmaster lifted an eyebrow.  “Mr. Black?  _You_ wrote it?”

“Yes.”  He answered without hesitation, holding the piercing aqua gaze with steely confidence.  Remus glowered at Sirius, clenching his teeth.  He motioned to speak but was cut off by Padfoot.  “Let my friends go.  This wouldn’t have been possible without that code.”

“Very noble of you, but even if you wrote that program all by yourself, they were still accomplices.”  Albus' eyes twinkled mischievously.  “However, I have to commemorate your ingenuity.  What you did was no small feat.  And it was rather amusing--"

“Albus!”  McGonagall snapped.

He brushed her off, “But you still should not have done it.  I think Saturday detention up until Christmas holidays is fair.  After breakfast each Saturday, meet with Mr. Filch.”

The marauders knew better than to argue, the all dipped their heads and murmured, “yes sir"'s.

Dumbledore clapped his hands together, eyes alight with glee.  “Now!  Go on and enjoy the rest of the holiday!”  He tossed a handful of glitter into the air, and pranced out of the room with McGonagall in tow, shaking her head.

James sniggered.  “He's always favored me.”

“I think he favors Gryffindor actually,” Peter argued.  They two began to bicker back and forth as they left the room. 

Remus lingered, clenching his teeth.  When their friends were out of earshot he whirled to Sirius, eyes sparking with anger.  “The hell are you thinking Sirius Black?”  Remus, considerably taller, got in his face.  The wolf snarled deep inside.  “I worked my ass off on that code.  No, you don’t get to talk,” he snapped as Sirius's lips parted.  “I don’t even care about the credit but you could have been sent back to your miserable family manor,” minty spittle flecked Sirius' burning cheeks.  “You aren’t the badass little punk you think you are.  Not when you talk about your _mother._

“Do you want to go back there?  Do you forget in your rebellion how disastrous it is?  Regulus wouldn’t be there to protect you.”  He shook Sirius’ by the shoulders.  His emerald eyes burned predatorily, and he was sure he looked as much the wolf as he felt.  “Walburga could _kill_ you and I'd be stuck _here._ Unable to protect you.”  He released his friend and took a step back. 

Heart hammering uncontrollably, his emotions melded together and drained him.  “I don’t know what to do with you, Pads,” his voice turned hoarse as he fought tears.  “I want to kiss you.  And that’s a terrible idea.”  He rubbed the bridge of his nose.  “Just piss off, Sirius.”

Lupin left his friend standing there flabbergasted, stunned to stone.  He retreated to his favorite sanctuary, the library.  The rollercoaster of emotions left his head spinning and the guilt ate away at his conscious.  Collapsing into his favorite corner, he dropped his head and wondered just how much worse that could have went.  _At least you didn't bite him, hah_ he thought grumpily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:** I really am not abandoning this (or But A Thorn). Just sometimes life sucks. So my updates are kinda gonna be random. And I really, really apologize for that. I hope you understand.

**Author's Note:**

>  **A/N:** There it is. The first chapter. I’m sure it’s blatantly obvious that I’m American, so I know I’ll be mistaking random UK slang. Sorry for that!


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